constellations #100: one hundred
a century!
Hi again,
First things first: There is a constellations party tonight and you’re invited! It’s at Topos Too (59-22 Myrtle Ave, Ridgewood, NY 11385) at 7 p.m. It will feature readings by Madeline Zappala, Marianela D'Aprile, CLAUDIA MORALES, and me. I look forward to seeing you there 🎉
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Listen, I love a strong symbol and I love anniversaries, so for the past few months I have been looking forward to sending out issue #100 of constellations. But rather than write you a whole newsletter about writing this newsletter (too meta! too postmodern!), I have instead gathered a list of some personal favorites from the past ninety-nine editions of this newsletter. Without further ado:
#4 and #23, small kindnesses (part 1 & part 2), a short series about little acts of care (I should bring this back!)
#37: choices, about moving into and coming to love and then moving out of a city
#40: voices, about broadcast training, vocal fry, punk guys, and learning to use your voice
#50: late bloomer, about not being a wunderkind, peaking past middle age, and being inspired by circuitous careers
#65: seventh grade, about Pen15, Pedro the Lion, body-swaps, and revisiting my youth
#80: a working life, about getting laid off, listening to Mitski, and celebrating my birthday
#85: on love & #86: i do, about being in love and deciding to get married
#96: camping out of bounds, about driving across the country with my friends and getting a ticket from the park police
Plus: Guest Stars, a series of early posts where I passed the mic to friends:
#5: Madeline Zappala, writing about Garry Winogrand at the Brooklyn Museum
#21: Sean Hagerty, writing about his vintage shop
#36: Elle Mannion, writing a love letter to spring
Plus, for good measure, a few more that feature friends: #83, a collective list of small and meaningful endorsements; and #93, me & Madeline on the first time we heard Eileen Myles read
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I’ll admit it feels a little goofy to be self-congratulatory about this newsletter — I harbor no illusions about its readership (admittedly small) or its prose (on a good day, totally … fine!). I started constellations because I wanted to commit to a writing practice — a totally process-oriented goal, which worked, and I’m grateful for that. But as I looked over the archives to pull out some favorites, I realized that I am proud of the product, too. (Corny! But it’s true.) Reading through my old essays, it’s all started to feel like a document of my evolving relationship to myself. And as much as I am bored to tears with the discourse of individualized self-actualization lately, I’ll admit that spending time with all those selves and witnessing that evolution has been really touching. So many of these essays are means of making peace with my choices, my past, my circumstances, my limitations — of trusting my own happiness or curiosity or faith in myself. I hope maybe in some small way it has helped point you to the same possibilities for yourself — is that dreaming too big? Anyway, my deepest and warmest gratitude to you for reading, which makes this whole thing feel worth it, and makes it feel like a conversation, a way for me to engage with the world, rather than getting stuck inside my own head. Maybe we can even keep talking like this for at least one hundred more of these, who knows?
xo,
M
***
p.s. This time last year I was: thinking about types of guys; and before that, celebrating metonic cycles and playing the best game I’ve ever encountered
